It's official. I'm back on my Nutrisystem diet. I just made the choice last night. I'm not going to eat all of this crap anymore. It's disgusting. I need to just get back up and do it! So, here I am. I started the diet this morning with my breakfast and lunch.

 Hello, Autumn here.

I know that I haven't really written in a little while, I've just been updating the site and doing the video blogs. I am sitting here thinking now and, well, I guess this is the best time to update you all. I am kinda at a loss for words right now. Some of you probably read my blog a couple of weeks ago about my husband and how he embarrassed me about my diet in public… either way, I guess I should just come out and say it- my husband and I are splitting up. I feel wounded and broken. I feel like a failure. I am still in shock.

I'm dealing with this in the best way that I know how- I'm putting on a happy face, keeping myself so busy that I don't have time to think about my life, talking to Jesus about it all the time, and just having faith that I will walk the path that He has laid out for my life from now on. But, it hurts. I mean, it really hurts.

The pain comes and goes in waves. There are so many amazing things going on in my life right now that I should be happy and grateful for, and I am. I have some phenomenal friends that surround me and are making this so much easier to handle. In times like these, you really really realize who your true friends are. People who you would have never thought come out of the woodwork and lift you up and hold your hand and wipe away your tears. People who you thought were your closest friends are sometimes nowhere to be found. I am very pleasantly surprised by some people around me who have truly been there for me in a way that I didn't expect.

I can't believe this is happening. I'm 23. I've been with him since I was 17. I'm Catholic. I don't believe in divorce. I can't believe that this is my life. I feel like an outsider looking in. I feel like I am watching a movie on tv or something. I don't know how to really describe this feeling. I will be the only person in my entire extended family to get a divorce. The only one. I feel like I am letting everyone down.

This is really effecting my weight loss. I just haven't wanted to eat lately. One of the main factors in my weight gain is that I was eating 400-700 calories a day because I just wasn't hungry and didn't always have time to eat. On my weight loss journey, I have been making a concerted effort to eat my 1100 calories a day, and it has been working. But, since all of this, I haven't been eating. I just have no appetite. Every time I start eating, I get nauseous. But, on a good note, I have been exercising more and harder because of all of this pent up emotion. I have doubled my running time and raised my speed!

Either way, I don’t really know what else to say right now. I just thought that since I have been silent lately, I wanted to update you all on why. So, there it is.

We'll film a new video blog later this afternoon. Sorry it took me all week to actually post ours from last week. Like I said, I've been keeping busy.

I’m so bored right now! We are in our 6-9 pm e-commerce class and I am sitting here right now and have actually run out of things to do on the internet. If that’s even possible. Being bored really makes me think of all the things that I would like to eat right now. Jillian always says on the show that in order to keep the weight off once you lose it, you have to get to the bottom of why you gained it in the first place. I’ve been trying to think about that a lot lately. I think that I may have something here with my boredom eating, but I think that there is something deeper as well. I’m sure we’ll chat about this again, but I just wanted to type this right now so that I could try to distract myself from thinking about eating while I sit here bored for another hour and 10 minutes. I don’t think it worked.

Autumn